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In Louisiana
Asma Hamid

I'm the anon that stalks on you. I'm the anon that insults you. I'm the anon that gives you crappy advice. I'm the anon that you fight with. I'm the anon that talks true shits. And I'm the anon that you didn't know.

absoluteloud-ness: 2006-2008
iztele: 2009

Sometimes I just want to lock myself in an air-conditioned room with soft cushions and billions of books because I couldn't stand life right now. And I want to go in there and study or at least read because I feel so guilty doing nothing. Throwing my life to waste.

I have been a little brat since I was small. I once cried because I couldn't go to a swimming pool and that was only because we had to rush back home for something. I once cried because my mum told me off and my dad wasn't there to back me up. You know how much of a brat I was when I was small? And you wanna know something, I haven't changed that much.

When I was in Year 6, I had to do my UPSR. I told my dad that I wanted a DSLR. I still remember him telling me to promise that I would take care of it. But look at it now. My flash is broken and my lens' mount is broken too. And you know what's worse? They guy said that I dropped it and I COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER DROPPING IT. And I swear to God I feel so flipping guilty right now. Probably to my camera but more to my dad. He worked so hard to get me a camera and I go around throwing it everywhere. And I know my dad is pissed at me but he's not yelling at me. And that's adding the guiltiness in me.

Then that leads me to how much I'm disappointing my mum and my dad. They have given me everything I have asked for and I am here, disappointing them. For example, last year my dad bought me new shoes and he told me that if I didn't pass my RAE, he would take my shoes back. Then after I've passed my RAE, I asked him if we could go to Singapore. HOW SELFISH COULD I BE? I mean, he gave me shoes FGS.. and I was still asking for more.

And right now.. My parents are probably pissed at me, my sister is probably pissed at me, some random girl is probably pissed at me, some random guy is probably pissed at me and I am really pissed at myself.

And you wanna know how pathetic I am? While all of this is happening, I am sitting here and blogging while I can go out there and make a change. For a start, I could say sorry to my dad.. then probably to my camera. But am I doing that? No.

So now, can I go into that room?
Hint hint, library.